When Quatre Was Can-EH-dian
by tasukichiriko
Summary: The boys hide out in Canada and find the dangers that lurk aboot. *snort*


Title: When Quatre Was Can-EH-dian  
Authors: Kimmie ([JaenKaeGW@hotmail.com][1]) and Haeli and Aspen ([futon@cloudwoven.com][2]) a.k.a. A Bunch of Monkeys With Typewriters  
Archive: GW Addiction.  
Category: fluff, WAFF, humour  
Pairings: 3+4, 5+Waffles  
Disclaimer: We don't own the characters, we mean no harm (especially to Canadians, eh), we have no money... Stuff like that. Yeah, eh.  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: None.  
Spoilers: None.  
Notes: This is something your mother would probably never write. And you should be *damn* thankful. Anyway, this was what we did aboot our little idea of Quatre as a Can-EH-dian, and it was, in fact, written after watching "The Adolescence of Utena", which should explain everything. We mean no harm against Canadians; we just wanted to make homo milk come out of your nose. We really, really don't mean to offend--it's just a fun jest at the stereotypes of Canadian culture. Plus, you guys got to see Endless Waltz before us, so suck it through a rubber hoose, eh! Enjoy!

All the G-Boys were sitting in the kitchen one day in their new safehouse. Wufei was searching around for the powdered sugar to perfect his syrup-drenched Belgian waffles. He pouted and turned to Heero. "We are out of powdered sugar. You can't have good waffles without powdered sugar."

Heero looked up from fixing his computer. "Quatre just went out shopping. He should be back in a minute."

Duo gave a snort from his slumped-over position on the table by Heero. His face was smashed against the placemat, and he returned to his peaceful snoring.

"But... my waffles are going to get cold," Wufei pouted, still rooting through the pantry in search of the powdered sugar.

"Aw," said Trowa, not looking up from reading the Toronto Sun. Heero smirked from his seat, where he sat fiddling with the exposed motherboard of his computer, tapping various things with his screwdriver.

The door from the garage opened, and Heero looked at Wufei pointedly as Quatre stepped into the kitchen, arms loaded with grocery bags.

"What took you so long?" Wufei demanded. Quatre smiled at them all and set down the grocery bags on the kitchen counter, then proudly turned and gestured to his shirt.

"I saw this great shirt in a store. I had to stop and try it on, and, well... it's comfy. It's from Roots, eh?"

"Eh?" Trowa spared a glance up this time, at Quatre's navy blue sweatshirt emblazoned with large white letters stating, "ROOTS."

Duo suddenly decided to wake up and get some more Cocoa Puffs, raising his head and blinking, unaware of his surroundings. He stretched a little and, in a zombie-like state of awareness, trudged in his fuzzy blue Cookie Monster slippers to the cabinet, reaching over Wufei and grabbing the box of cereal. Then he trudged to the refrigerator, yanked it open, yawned, and peered inside.

"Oi... didn't anybody go shopping? Do we have milk?"

"Oh, yeah, ya know, I picked up a bag of homo milk[1]." Quatre reached into a grocery bag.

Everyone did a collective blink. "... What?"

Trowa smirked a little. "*Homo* milk, you say?"

"Yeah, and I picked up some pop, chocolate bars, back bacon, and Kraft dinners, eh?" Quatre continued unloading groceries, not noticing the sweatdrop coming from Duo. Suddenly, he slammed down a six pack of beer and jumped slightly. "Eh, guess what, eh! The Moffatts are going to be on YTV in half an hour! We have to tape it!"

"We can't," Trowa said apologetically. "Heero dismantled the television set to use spare parts to repair his computer."

"Oh, that's a real downer, eh," Quatre's shoulders sank a little. "No YTV or Much Music? But they were getting together to do an A to Zed countdown... ya know, The Moffatts, Barenaked Ladies, Alanis Morissette, Our Lady Peace... and it was going to be hosted by Michael J. Fox and Jim Carrey, with a special appearance by Dan Akroyd, eh? That's what it's all aboot, yeah!"

"Um... are... those people still alive?" Duo questioned.

"Of course they are, eh! This is Canada!" Quatre grinned, then caught sight of Heero looking at him as he usually looked at a drunken Duo. "Hey, Heero, eh? If you're having trouble, I'll run and get you a Robertson screwdriver--that'll help, eh?"

Surprisingly, Heero sweatdropped, and Trowa decided not to pursue the line of questioning forming in his head.

"But... did you get powdered sugar?" Wufei finally spoke up.

Quatre stopped and blinked. "Oh... confectioner's sugar? No, eh, they were all out, the hosers."

"But... but... my waffles!" Wufei pouted over the loss of his perfect waffles and sat down in resignation.

"Soory, Wufei! I'll go out and get you some later, so you can have your sugar tomoorrow. Till then, do you want to go maybe play some hockey, or some curling?"

"No... that's... okay," Duo spoke up for all of them.

"Oh! Ookay! Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go fix some spelling errors in Sandrock's manuels, eh. Whomever wrote them was a real Canuck. They kept spelling 'favourite,' and 'colour' and 'labour' *without* u's!" Quatre shook his head, grabbed one of his beers, and strode out of the room, whistling "O Canada."

Heero set down his screwdriver. "Trowa, you might want to keep an eye on him."

Trowa nodded and rose, following Quatre out of the kitchen.

"This is the last time we get a safehouse in Canada, eh," Heero added. Then, he flinched. "DAMMIT! We've GOT to get out of here!"

"How's aboot now?" Duo asked.

"Eh," said Heero.

Wufei poked his waffles.

From out in the dining room, everyone heard Quatre say in a seductive yet Canadian-accented voice, "Voulez-vous couchez avec moi ce soir?" [2]

And Trowa replied, "Enleves ton pantalon." [3]

[1]Homo*genized* milk! What were you people thinking? Oh, wait, were you Canadian? Soory!

[2]As if you didn't know, it means, "Would you like to go to bed with me tonight?"

[3]And this gem means, "Take off your pants." Trowa gets all the good lines, eh.

Owari. ^__~

   [1]: mailto:jaenkaegw@hotmail.com?Subject=GWAddiction
   [2]: mailto:futon@cloudwoven.com?Subject=GWAddiction



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